My life is in such disarray that I can barely speak of it. Hubbie and I are ok, but the rest has gone to hell in a hand basket. When things get better (if) then I will post something. In the meantime, I was self-tagged:
Four places I've lived:
Pensacola, FL
Jackson, TN
Memphis, TN
Naples, Italy
Four jobs I've had in my life:
Librarian
Pharmacy technician
Department store clerk
Ice cream scooper girl
Four movies I'd watch over and over again:
Shop on Main Street
Gone with the Wind
The English Patient
Chocolat
Four of my favorite foods:
Spaghetti with meat sauce
Chocolate
Hungarian goulash
Shrimp scampi
Four places I'd rather be right now:
Home
Home
Home
Home
Now you have been tagged!
Flusi
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Blinded by love
Such a hard week with such disappointing results. At least for some of us. My daughter, who had a stroke when she was born and has left side paralysis, lives in an apartment about three blocks from us. She is 27 and will be graduating in May with a degree is Social Work. When my husband and I got married, he bought her a ShihTzu, who turned out to be very large - by that I mean over 25 pounds...bigger than a cocker spaniel. Anyway, he has all sorts of health problems. They include a dry eye which develops a green snotty film over it every few days, severe food allergies, and all other manner of allergies that affect his skin and fur. She is living on student loans and has little spare money. To make everything worse, over the last two months he has developed large (cancerous?) tumors on his back - leading to hair loss and even more smelliness. We had talked with her all week about the fact that it might be time to let him go. He is affecting many aspects of her life - he cannot sleep so he keeps her awake all the time for hours on end. I love all animals, I hate the idea of killing an animal, I hate knowing she is hurting (she really has no friends to speak of, no boyfriends, Just us), and feels like she has failed in "raising" him. OH brother. Now we will have to go through this all again. My daughter-in-law asked me if my daughter understood why we thought it would be the right thing to do. I said, no she is blinded by love and cannot see anything.
In other news, I am almost caught up with grading. Since there are only six more weeks in the term, this is a good thing. It takes so much of my spare time, I wonder if it is worth it sometimes. But I enjoy working with the students. Next week is Spring Break so I hope I will get completely caught up. We will be so slow at work next week, but my boss will probably have plenty of Break projects and I will only have two students two days and then only one the rest of the week. And one other problem is that I am a basketball nut and it is March Madness from now until April 2nd. And another is that we plan to have a graduation party for my daughter and there are many things that need to be done in the house and backyard. I went to www.43things.com and made a list for us. They will send you reminders whenever you like...and let's just say, we are getting frequent reminders about our lack of progress on the list. At some point, folks will just have to get over it and see our house au naturale!
Struggling with two books for the Newbery Project - hope to get one finished this weekend.
Gotta fly,
Flusi
In other news, I am almost caught up with grading. Since there are only six more weeks in the term, this is a good thing. It takes so much of my spare time, I wonder if it is worth it sometimes. But I enjoy working with the students. Next week is Spring Break so I hope I will get completely caught up. We will be so slow at work next week, but my boss will probably have plenty of Break projects and I will only have two students two days and then only one the rest of the week. And one other problem is that I am a basketball nut and it is March Madness from now until April 2nd. And another is that we plan to have a graduation party for my daughter and there are many things that need to be done in the house and backyard. I went to www.43things.com and made a list for us. They will send you reminders whenever you like...and let's just say, we are getting frequent reminders about our lack of progress on the list. At some point, folks will just have to get over it and see our house au naturale!
Struggling with two books for the Newbery Project - hope to get one finished this weekend.
Gotta fly,
Flusi
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Love
My husband is bipolar.
that sentence can stand alone because it affects every aspect of our life and sometimes is the bane of my existence and sometimes is the magic that keeps the world spinning - sometimes the manic and sometimes the depression - like Jimi Hendrix said, manic depression it touches my soul - the fight against suppression of personality and brillance for the sake of linear and singular thoughts - the desire for more - the self-medication to seek balance - the crawling away to lick wounds self-inflicted - the five radio stations playing in a brain that wants coherence - anger that will not abate for reasons irrational - blame assigned for self-preservation - love that cannot understand - friends who will not stay the course - marriages which fail in almost the 75th percent range - suicide for over 40% - and PAIN, pain of daily living which is only dimmed by strict adherence to medical intervention.
Because I love this man, and because I said I would be with him through sickness and health, and because I love him with all my heart - all of him - this is our existence. But let me tell you about the side which struggles to be free - he has loved four near adult step-children as if they were his own, he loves all animals and has brought pigs and dogs into our lives, he is Poppie to our two grandsons and is worshipped, compassion for the homeless, love for the Lord. He loves me. I love him.
Flusi
that sentence can stand alone because it affects every aspect of our life and sometimes is the bane of my existence and sometimes is the magic that keeps the world spinning - sometimes the manic and sometimes the depression - like Jimi Hendrix said, manic depression it touches my soul - the fight against suppression of personality and brillance for the sake of linear and singular thoughts - the desire for more - the self-medication to seek balance - the crawling away to lick wounds self-inflicted - the five radio stations playing in a brain that wants coherence - anger that will not abate for reasons irrational - blame assigned for self-preservation - love that cannot understand - friends who will not stay the course - marriages which fail in almost the 75th percent range - suicide for over 40% - and PAIN, pain of daily living which is only dimmed by strict adherence to medical intervention.
Because I love this man, and because I said I would be with him through sickness and health, and because I love him with all my heart - all of him - this is our existence. But let me tell you about the side which struggles to be free - he has loved four near adult step-children as if they were his own, he loves all animals and has brought pigs and dogs into our lives, he is Poppie to our two grandsons and is worshipped, compassion for the homeless, love for the Lord. He loves me. I love him.
Flusi
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Early Bird
So, I woke up at 3:30 this morning and found dear husband sleeping straight up in a chair in my office. I sent him back to bed and sat down to get some grading done. I only have 9 more in Unit 3. I am still so far behind, but ahead of my co-prof. My plan is to be caught up by the weekend. In between projects, I have been very productive. I boiled some eggs to take for lunch, made both of our sandwiches, did two loads of laundry, and gathered all of the trash to go out to the street. The thing is, he is distracting. When he is with me, I cannot stay focused on grading - that is how I get behind.
Reasons he is distracting: first he is dead sexy and that is a distraction all to its own; he is terribly funny and even when I try not to listen to his commentary on life, whats on TV, his day, or ANY other visual or aural stimulation, I cannot help but hear him and get tickled; he gets all seven of our dogs going and they are too funny to miss; he suggests a million other things that we could be doing. I usually cave in and give up on any productivity. Then I get up at the butt crack of dawn and do my work in the silence of our sleeping house.
In other news, I am trying to learn how to crochet. Oh goodness I am so uncoordinated. I bought the book The Happy Hooker and it is great, but cannot reach out and make my fingers work properly. I am not giving up. I might go to classes on Saturday, but I am not a big fan of going solo and don't have anyone to take with me. But the desire is strong so I might fight my natural longing for companionship in all endeavors and go about a mile down the street to the class at the local yarn store. I need to call them though because they say it is for knitters and according to the book, sometimes crochet hooks and knitting needles are not friends!
I opted to take a demotion in August 2006 to move to a different library and I think it has been perhaps the best decision of my life - except for my divorce of course. I love the Curriculum Library - no more meetings, only direct interaction with the students. I have four students that work for me and they are delightful as well. My immediate boss is a little quirky, but fun to work with and I genuinely love her. I am classifying books, cataloging, ordering, and involved. Much better than Head of Circulation with the daily meetings and problem employees. Thank goodness I was led to that decision - while it was quite painful to give up what I loved about the position, I am so grateful to be on the other side - happy and stress free for the most part. And I get to read Newbery books and call it part of my job assignment. I mean, how can I recommend a book if I haven't read it?
Time to go check the dryer. Hope the day is bright and the force is with you.
Flusi
Reasons he is distracting: first he is dead sexy and that is a distraction all to its own; he is terribly funny and even when I try not to listen to his commentary on life, whats on TV, his day, or ANY other visual or aural stimulation, I cannot help but hear him and get tickled; he gets all seven of our dogs going and they are too funny to miss; he suggests a million other things that we could be doing. I usually cave in and give up on any productivity. Then I get up at the butt crack of dawn and do my work in the silence of our sleeping house.
In other news, I am trying to learn how to crochet. Oh goodness I am so uncoordinated. I bought the book The Happy Hooker and it is great, but cannot reach out and make my fingers work properly. I am not giving up. I might go to classes on Saturday, but I am not a big fan of going solo and don't have anyone to take with me. But the desire is strong so I might fight my natural longing for companionship in all endeavors and go about a mile down the street to the class at the local yarn store. I need to call them though because they say it is for knitters and according to the book, sometimes crochet hooks and knitting needles are not friends!
I opted to take a demotion in August 2006 to move to a different library and I think it has been perhaps the best decision of my life - except for my divorce of course. I love the Curriculum Library - no more meetings, only direct interaction with the students. I have four students that work for me and they are delightful as well. My immediate boss is a little quirky, but fun to work with and I genuinely love her. I am classifying books, cataloging, ordering, and involved. Much better than Head of Circulation with the daily meetings and problem employees. Thank goodness I was led to that decision - while it was quite painful to give up what I loved about the position, I am so grateful to be on the other side - happy and stress free for the most part. And I get to read Newbery books and call it part of my job assignment. I mean, how can I recommend a book if I haven't read it?
Time to go check the dryer. Hope the day is bright and the force is with you.
Flusi
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Calmer but guarded
I have calmed down considerably from the other day, but I am still a bit guarded. Some things had to be discussed in great detail to make it from day to day, but maybe it is now settled. For good. If it isn't settled, then there will be some major life changes. As in, final and profound changes.
Starting to get a little nervous for my daughter. She had a stroke when she was born and faced lots of medical issues. However, now she is 27 and is due to graduate with a BS in Social Work in May. This semester she has a 400 hour practicum at a fancy Assisted Living Facility and two other classes. She works at her practicum Monday - Thursday from 8-4:30 and has classes on Tuesday night and Friday. She does not drive although she lives in her own apartment close to us. She had to take out student loans for this final semester but will not have any money left over. So I have been looking for jobs since early February knowing we have a few months to look. NOTHING! Not even something in the ballpark. She wants to work with old people, but will take anything I suppose. The problem is her apartment. She has to give two months written notice to break her lease...which means do it now! She cannot afford to live in her apartment if she does not have a job. She can move back home, which she doesn't really want to do, but she cannot bring her dog with her because we already have seven dogs - chihuahuas...and her dog is much bigger. We could give notice and then move her to another apartment if she had a job, but she is a little stubborn and is probably going to resist any change at all. Anyone have a crystal ball?? Or maybe just pray!
flabbergasted,
Flusi
Starting to get a little nervous for my daughter. She had a stroke when she was born and faced lots of medical issues. However, now she is 27 and is due to graduate with a BS in Social Work in May. This semester she has a 400 hour practicum at a fancy Assisted Living Facility and two other classes. She works at her practicum Monday - Thursday from 8-4:30 and has classes on Tuesday night and Friday. She does not drive although she lives in her own apartment close to us. She had to take out student loans for this final semester but will not have any money left over. So I have been looking for jobs since early February knowing we have a few months to look. NOTHING! Not even something in the ballpark. She wants to work with old people, but will take anything I suppose. The problem is her apartment. She has to give two months written notice to break her lease...which means do it now! She cannot afford to live in her apartment if she does not have a job. She can move back home, which she doesn't really want to do, but she cannot bring her dog with her because we already have seven dogs - chihuahuas...and her dog is much bigger. We could give notice and then move her to another apartment if she had a job, but she is a little stubborn and is probably going to resist any change at all. Anyone have a crystal ball?? Or maybe just pray!
flabbergasted,
Flusi
Friday, February 16, 2007
Dance Lightly on My Soul
I would rather be the writer than the story,
I would rather be the artist than the model.
I would rather stand in the shadows
And look out at your light.
My dream is for synchronous solitude,
My dream is to last forever.
To stand in your bright light
Watching you dance on my soul.
I would rather be the music than the musician,
I would rather be the song than the singer.
The dream is mine to hold
And it is yours to illuminate.
I would rather be the writer than the story,
I would rather be the artist than the model.
I would rather stand in the shadows
And look out at your light.
My dream is for synchronous solitude,
My dream is to last forever.
To stand in your bright light
Watching you dance on my soul.
I would rather be the music than the musician,
I would rather be the song than the singer.
The dream is mine to hold
And it is yours to illuminate.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Valentine's Day Revisited
Happy Happy Valentines Day!
So, we have so many plans for this lover's day and no way to implement any but the most basic. The first plan was to buy each other very small gifts - I of course requested a book. And my sweetheart wanted a DVD - BluRay is the best...I know because we own both HD and BluRay. But we have not had one moments peace to go out to purchase said gifts.
Then we decided we would go to the MeltingPot for dinner - where we spent many a loving evening while we were dating. Alas, without reservations made a month ago, that too will not happen.
So we decided upon a very romantic evening at home. Until we remembered that because I had one of my strange and painful headaches (cyclical headaches are maddening) this weekend, we had cancelled plans with my oldest son, his wife, and two young boys. Guess when we postponed to? Tonight of course. Filled with hope, we thought perhaps they would not want to spend Valentine's Day with us - so we called and Yes, they cannot wait to come over tonight. AHHH!
Valentine's Day at the Flusi House is hereby relocated to another day when we might be able to get our shit together! Or not.
Much love just the same,
Flusi
So, we have so many plans for this lover's day and no way to implement any but the most basic. The first plan was to buy each other very small gifts - I of course requested a book. And my sweetheart wanted a DVD - BluRay is the best...I know because we own both HD and BluRay. But we have not had one moments peace to go out to purchase said gifts.
Then we decided we would go to the MeltingPot for dinner - where we spent many a loving evening while we were dating. Alas, without reservations made a month ago, that too will not happen.
So we decided upon a very romantic evening at home. Until we remembered that because I had one of my strange and painful headaches (cyclical headaches are maddening) this weekend, we had cancelled plans with my oldest son, his wife, and two young boys. Guess when we postponed to? Tonight of course. Filled with hope, we thought perhaps they would not want to spend Valentine's Day with us - so we called and Yes, they cannot wait to come over tonight. AHHH!
Valentine's Day at the Flusi House is hereby relocated to another day when we might be able to get our shit together! Or not.
Much love just the same,
Flusi
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